Witzig!

[Hollowpoint]

A little Irish/Iraqi humor

Irish at War

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next

when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, Mr. Hussein!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy

down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that

we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! How big

is your army?"

"Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is

myself,my cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Shamus, and the entire dart team from

the pub. That makes eight!"

Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one million men in

my army waiting to move on my command."

"Begorra!", said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back." Paddy called again. "Mr. Hussein, the war

is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked.

"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."

Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16,000 tanks and

14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to

1-1/2 million since we last spoke."

"Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Hussein, the war is

still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified

Harrigan's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys

from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!"

Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must

tell you, Paddy, that I have 10,000 bombers and ,10,000 fighter planes. My

military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile

sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. ! "Top o' the mornin' Mr.

Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of

heart?"

"Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints,and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners."

GRUß